Below Deck Med S11 Ep1

Well hello there! 

We're dropping in with the first episode of MED Season 11! 

Enjoy X Carla & Lainz 

Transcript

SPEAKER_00 0:00

Hi.

SPEAKER_01 0:01

Hi. Cheers, cheers. Cheers, Lane.

SPEAKER_00 0:03

Cheers, Carla.

SPEAKER_01 0:04

Oh my god. I don't know where to start. I don't know how to say hello. I feel like we need special music. We're out of practice. Very. There's a siren in the background. That'll do that. Alarming. We're back. We're back, bitches. From outer space. I just walked in to find you here without that look upon your face.

SPEAKER_00 0:26

And clearly our singing is also back.

SPEAKER_01 0:29

I never sing. You do.

SPEAKER_00 0:32

Well, I'm not today, because as you can hear, got a little head cold. She's a bit dusty. Sick dusty. Yes.

SPEAKER_01 0:40

So it is. What the fuck are we doing, Lane's?

SPEAKER_00 0:43

We're doing season 11, episode 1.

SPEAKER_01 0:46

Of Mediterranean.

SPEAKER_00 0:48

Have you done your little three things?

SPEAKER_01 0:50

What little three things?

SPEAKER_00 0:51

In this episode.

SPEAKER_01 0:52

Oh my god, no, I haven't! I'm so out of practice.

SPEAKER_00 0:58

Okay, well let's just do it on the spot. In this episode, Gail and Nathan have the most adorable bundle.

SPEAKER_01 1:04

Captain Sandy is back with her dream team crew. And there's Joe. Oh, the dickhead. The dick what? Oh my god, I can't even.

SPEAKER_00 1:17

First of all, we start off in Australia where we see our favourite couple, Gail and Nathan, heading for the airport with little Bob.

SPEAKER_01 1:24

And we get this new intro for the med. So we see all the crew get boarding their flights and doing a little selfie video of themselves.

SPEAKER_00 1:33

We've got Kat from Canada, Cooper from South Carolina, Genevieve from New York. Oh, many feelings. Many feelings. I know that there's a Kaylee from Australia. Yes, but they say Montenegro. I'm like, no, she's just been on another boat.

SPEAKER_01 1:49

Yeah, she's an Aussie.

SPEAKER_00 1:50

Joy from France. She's not joyful, but I like her. Aisha, obviously from New Zealand. Luke from South Australia, South Australia, South Africa. And Nathan and Gail, you know.

SPEAKER_01 2:01

Island and another Aussie.

SPEAKER_00 2:03

Aussie slash Philippines.

SPEAKER_01 2:05

And what are we calling Caden?

SPEAKER_00 2:06

Delightful.

SPEAKER_01 2:08

That's the baby. So we land in Dubrovnik, homeland of my girlfriend. Oh. She's half Croatian.

SPEAKER_00 2:16

Oh, I've always wanted to go to Croatia.

SPEAKER_01 2:19

Me too, haven't been.

SPEAKER_00 2:21

Clearly I haven't. Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 2:24

And when we get there, we find out that Nathan and Gail. So we get the backstory. We find out that they got pregnant basically a month after filming wrapped from the last season.

SPEAKER_02 2:38

Yes.

SPEAKER_01 2:38

Who are we thanking for the baby? Captain Sandy. Yes. And he says that later.

SPEAKER_00 2:44

Because she would have been like you know, you can you six weeks in usually is when you find out.

SPEAKER_01 2:50

Yeah. So they had three weeks. Yeah, they left, they went travelling, she got back to Sydney and she called him and he said she said I'm Pregus.

SPEAKER_00 2:58

Oh man. And they they'd only really just rekindled.

SPEAKER_01 3:02

Yes. This is a lot. Yes. Also, if you're just rekindling, wear a condom if you don't want to make a baby. Yes. Dangerous, risky. Well. But they have this little joyful bundle that might be joyful for Joy. Full bundle.

unknown 3:19

Yes.

SPEAKER_01 3:19

So Gail is staying at the marina. That's where I was trying to get with that lanes. Yeah. And they're seven minutes away from the boat with the baby, so that Nathan can be a good partner, a good father, and hopefully a good fucking bosun. He is feeling the pressure.

SPEAKER_00 3:36

Yes. But I love that she her and the baby are over there.

SPEAKER_01 3:40

I love that. It's great. We haven't seen it before. And hello. I go to fucking Croatia with my baby and see you every second day. Yes.

SPEAKER_02 3:49

Yes. I'm not saying that's a good thing.

SPEAKER_01 3:50

It's better than FIFO work. No. No.

SPEAKER_00 3:53

Everyone knows what FIFO work isn't, don't they? Everyone knows that.

SPEAKER_01 3:56

Fly in, fly out. Yeah. I'd say so. There's your explanation. Captain Sandy's going over the resumes. She is excited. She loves Dubrovnik. Oh, loves it. She froths over it. We see the happiest reunion with her and Asia. Of course.

SPEAKER_00 4:14

And something else that hasn't happened previously, to my knowledge, is that they arrived early to just do like a what do you call it? A recon? A recon, yes. And something else we've never seen is Sandy like out of character. You know, it's like I she's out of the white knickerbockers.

SPEAKER_01 4:35

She was out of the white knickerbockers on the back of a jet ski. In a bikini. Yes, Lanes. I noticed it too. I was shocked. And they were jumping off the cliffs into the water. They were having a great holiday. Yes.

SPEAKER_00 4:52

Side note, Sandy jumped off into the water way more elegantly than Aisha. I didn't know. Is skillful.

SPEAKER_01 5:06

It's because of her long limbs. She's all limbs. Okay, so back on the boat, Aisha finds out that she gets three stews and is so overcome with emotion. She says it's like when Scott prop proposed. It's the same feeling she had. Sandy's like, calm down, don't say that. You can't say that. You're gonna want to take that back later. They are gonna have a great season. Aisha loves the beige boat. And in c I I thought that was sarcasm. Do you think she's gonna? Well she trots off down the stairs going, love the colour scheme, love beige. Who loves beige? I I think beige has its place. I hate beige as a colour scheme. What about on a shoe? Well, yeah, that's a shoe, but it's not a colour scheme of a yacht.

SPEAKER_00 5:56

No, but you've just discounted the whole colour, in my opinion. You've just said I hate beige.

SPEAKER_01 6:02

Erase it.

SPEAKER_00 6:04

No, you need a beige shoe. Well, sometimes you might need a beige ribbon in your hair.

SPEAKER_01 6:10

Absolutely not. And if you come here with a beige ribbon in your hair, I shall remove it. I don't mind a ribbon. I have never seen you with a ribbon in your hair. Full stop, period, ever. I have worn ribbons to work. Right, just not here. And don't in future. Or you know what will happen.

SPEAKER_00 6:30

I'm wearing a ribbon next to ribbon.

SPEAKER_01 6:32

This is a no-ribbon hair household, especially not beige.

SPEAKER_00 6:36

I think a beige striped ribbon would be quite elegant with an outfit.

SPEAKER_01 6:40

Okay, will you wear it next time? We'll see what happens. Then they go through the deckies.

SPEAKER_00 6:46

Oh no, wait.

SPEAKER_01 6:47

Nathan comes.

SPEAKER_00 6:48

Yes, and Sandy gives him a onesie.

SPEAKER_01 6:51

It's a really cute red onesie, like from the yacht. Yeah, Akira. So cute. Now Sandy's excited. She's like, oh oh oh, guess who's coming? I've got Joe for you.

SPEAKER_00 7:03

Yeah, you're gonna be so happy.

SPEAKER_01 7:05

Nathan's not happy. And he doesn't hide it. He's sweating. He's like, we well we'll but we we haven't really talked. He's wiping the brow. He's like, fuck my life. Sandy was like, but the bromance, the bromance, bro, what happened? He's like, no, no, it stopped.

SPEAKER_00 7:24

But also, credit to Nathan, he doesn't carry on with it. He just says, no, we just really haven't spoken. He doesn't say because I think he was a real fucking dick to women, because I think that what he did to V was outrageous, because I think that him kissing what's the fucking Kiki, what was her name? Keza? Kizzy. Kizzy. Because of what he did with Lovey. I wonder how her engagement's going, by the way.

SPEAKER_01 7:48

Yeah, not sure. She's probably blocked us. Uh yeah. Um no, I agree, Lanes. He didn't throw Nathan under the bus professionally. That he just did that on camera. Succinctly, Carla. Well done. Yes. This is where we meet Joy, the not so joyful chef. Not joyful.

SPEAKER_00 8:09

She has a very, I want to say, for future episodes, I'm gonna put this out there as a prediction. An accurate tale of her personality. Like she accurately describes herself.

SPEAKER_01 8:22

Yes. What does she say?

SPEAKER_00 8:24

That she's angry. She gets angry, she's quick to anger, basically. Yep. And she doesn't like it comes up later, but when she's talking about how she That was offensive. She doesn't say she's quick to anger, but I'm putting it out there that we will see it this season. We will see a temper tantrum.

SPEAKER_01 8:45

She's immediately intense and makes no apologies for it. No. And when half the crew describe her as a bit scary in the first ten seconds, yeah, she's got a vibe.

SPEAKER_00 8:57

Oh, the energy must be prickly.

SPEAKER_01 9:00

Yep. And Aisha, very strategically and intelligently, offers her the only single cabin. Perfect. She's smart, is Aisha. Well done.

SPEAKER_00 9:11

Yep. Now Aisha and Nathan see each other for the first time and it's a fucking family reunion, isn't it? They're so excited. I love them together.

SPEAKER_01 9:20

Yeah, they're good. And it doesn't take long before Nathan's like, oh my god, but guess what? Fucking Joe Bradley's coming on too.

SPEAKER_00 9:28

I mean, thank God he's got Aisha to talk to. She's a really good person.

SPEAKER_01 9:33

She knows the drill to talk to.

SPEAKER_00 9:34

She knows the drill.

SPEAKER_01 9:35

For sure. So then we meet everyone bitch. It's Cooper. He's six foot five. He's a decky green bean. He's a green bean. He's got strength, work ethic, and biceps. I think that's what he says. What what's with these giant men in the south? Do they is that how they breed them? What's in the water? I don't know, but you're saying that because there's another giant man coming. They have to duck to get into their cabins.

SPEAKER_00 10:02

Well, the other giant man is from South Africa. This one's from South Carolina. Yeah. What's with the South? They breed them big. I like it. He was a footballer, but his dreams of becoming the next ooh, this is gonna test me. The next hmm. Travis Kelsey. There you go. I had no one else in my head as a footballer.

SPEAKER_01 10:27

Quarterback?

unknown 10:28

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 10:29

That's the only football word I know. Is squashed. Injuries, head knocks. Which can I just segue really quickly? Of course. Do you know what I found out today? What? I'm sure you all know Jacob Alaudy.

SPEAKER_00 10:42

Yes.

SPEAKER_01 10:42

Jacob Alaudi grew up grew up in um Waver Heights? Just down the road. And went to the same school as my son goes to. Yes. And I was just at school watching my son play soccer. Have they got a photo of him up in in some hall yet? No. But do you take him credit? That Jacob Alaudi was a rugby star at the school and broke his back. Yes. And that's why he started acting.

SPEAKER_00 11:06

No, no. You're half right with your story. Do you want me to help you? Please. Jacob Alaudy was excellent at rugby, but also his passion was acting. He felt like he had to make a choice, which he didn't want to. And because the school that he went to is a real rugby school. So he felt compelled and pushed to be the rugby star, broke the back, problem solved. He could do what he always wanted in the first place.

SPEAKER_01 11:39

Okay, I don't think I was exactly wrong.

SPEAKER_00 11:43

You were wrong when you said then he started acting.

SPEAKER_01 11:46

Okay, yep. He was always doing that, Carla. I've missed this. I've missed being wrong. You're okay. It's okay. It's so rare.

SPEAKER_00 11:57

It's okay, Carla. It's okay. I'm here to help. Okay, great. Carry on with your story. Yeah. If you want to do any other segues, I welcome them.

SPEAKER_02 12:09

Great.

SPEAKER_01 12:11

Sorry, we meet all the crew again. I I don't think there's much to note because the only thing I want to note about the other massive decky, Luke. Do you know who he reminds me of? No. Who? The big guy from Toy Story. What's his name? Oh yeah. He's a dead ringer.

SPEAKER_00 12:30

Oh, you're right. That's fun. And Cooper can be his woody. I heard it. I heard it. Okay, moving on. Kaylee is one to note.

SPEAKER_01 12:47

She is out of control. Just don't anyone ever in their life give this girl cocaine. She will be the first to admit that it's not for her. She said she'll she'll explode. If she doesn't know from which end. Thanks, Kaylee. And we get the other two stews too. One is green with like eight months experience, and the other one is experienced with like three and a half years. Don't we get told that? Uh many times. Gen cat they are. One gen, one cat. Backing onto that, Aisha goes into a stew meeting where she says to all of them, Really happy to have you all. I'm so blessed, blah blah blah, because you've all got such great experience. But for now, you're all one star stews. And how does that go down with uh gen gen? Can I can I do one correction there?

SPEAKER_00 13:38

Please. Because I I just I've we haven't done this for a while, and I just think that you're out of practice of Fucking Hell. Fuck me, dead. What is it now? It's one stripe, not one star.

SPEAKER_01 13:52

Oh my god, did I say one star? Fucking go go right ahead. Correct me because I was gonna let that go to the keeper, but wrong. I couldn't help myself. Yeah, okay, one star. You're all shit. You're all getting one star reviews. In my defense, do you know what Aisha did actually say? What? She said one bar. Confused the stripe with the bar and called it a star. Just saying.

SPEAKER_00 14:21

And then I I will put my hand up and say, I was wrong then.

unknown 14:27

No.

SPEAKER_00 14:27

Because you're one bar. It's one bar, not one stripe.

SPEAKER_01 14:30

I didn't say bar, I said star. I was wrong, Lane. You don't need to don't don't backtrack now. I was a hundred and twenty-five percent wrong. Well, I give you five stars. Okay, who's next, Lane's? This person needs no introduction other than here comes Dighead. Here he is.

SPEAKER_00 14:51

In his white linen pants.

SPEAKER_01 14:56

Are they pleated or are they tight ones?

SPEAKER_00 14:58

Well, add in a pleat, because that will make the story better. They're flowy. They're not tight. I can't. And a tight black wide sleeve singlet. I can't. The only person's clothes I want to review is Fraser's. And here I am getting angry about dickhead Joe.

SPEAKER_01 15:22

I knew you would be able to describe it because I can't, sure as shit. Nathan's already swearing and hasn't even said hello to him. Nathan fucking sees him and runs back on board. And then Joe coming towards the yacht sees Nathan running on board and is like, oh shit, Nathan's here.

SPEAKER_00 15:39

Yeah, very different. Welcome to the Oh my god. They're basically humping each other on the dock. This time they are like, exit stage left. At least Aisha's there. She gives him a big hug. And her stews notice the massive guns on him.

SPEAKER_01 15:56

Well, have they not seen the other, like the Toy Story boy and the other Southerner yet?

SPEAKER_00 16:02

Okay, like those boys, you you give me height, I'm done. Put a fucking fork in me.

SPEAKER_01 16:09

You can have them all, those two.

SPEAKER_00 16:11

You know who I would go for though? Luke. Cooper.

SPEAKER_01 16:14

Oh, the young one, lanes.

SPEAKER_00 16:16

Oh no, no, I'm not talking age. I'm talking because he's from South Carolina. And his he says in the show at some point about respecting women and that his mother would whoop him. Yes, it's coming up. I like him too. So I was like You're the tall one for me, Cooper.

SPEAKER_01 16:34

Yes. You can have him. We do have. Oh thanks. I'm sure he'll really love it. We started off with Joe coming on board. He goes and sees Sandy, they have a big hug, and Sandy immediately wants to know what happened with him and Nathan. And Joe says, I don't know. I'm about to find out too.

SPEAKER_00 16:52

I've got no idea. Why is he still employed by Bravo? They just brought him back on for this drama for this season.

SPEAKER_01 16:59

Yeah. Also, why does he go up to the deck team meeting still in his civvies? Exactly. And he gives Nathan a really awkward hug and says, long time no speak. I love what Nathan says here. He says, Can you go put away your personals? Because I was like, oh, literally? Literally? Or figuratively?

SPEAKER_00 17:21

Although I think that it was an excellent double entendre.

SPEAKER_01 17:26

Well, Nathan, I liked it.

SPEAKER_00 17:28

Can I also backtrack the tiniest little bit? Yes. When Joe is saying hello to Sandy and we hear him speaking, everything in me had a I had a visceral reaction. It's the whispering. We've got whispering Joe. You know, he's been a captain on an 18-metre boat. He's done day charters. He's been a bosun. So I just whispering Joe again.

unknown 17:56

Whispering Joe.

SPEAKER_01 17:57

Whispering. He just, yeah, let's just say that he makes sure to tell Sandy up front that he's been a captain. Oh. And a bosun. And so he's already, he's coming in with this agenda of Nathan's job. Yep. And also he wants Sandy to know that he will be her future bosun and then he's gonna take her job because he says he wants to be her captain too. Oh Joe also makes sure to tell Nathan that he's been a bosun. Oh and he says it like this. I'll tell you what, I've been a bosun and I've delegated.

SPEAKER_00 18:35

I've never been a bosun and I I can delegate. I've delegated. I've deleged I have delegated.

SPEAKER_01 18:45

Well well fucking done. Yeah. Props to you, mate. Anyway, Nathan says, Look, I didn't message you back, mate, because of the way you treated V last season. I wasn't here for it. And he's already said that to him. And Joe being Joe defends his behaviour. He says he's not gonna stop having fun, basically. So deal with it, Nathan. Basically saying, I will treat women how I would like to treat women, and Nathan, that's just me, bruh.

SPEAKER_00 19:14

And that's okay. Like Joe needs to be okay that Nathan's not okay with it. He's like, basically, I I don't like how you treat women, so therefore I don't really like you as a person. That's why I'm not your friend anymore.

SPEAKER_01 19:26

Exactly. That happens. Nathan basically says, We're here for the job, that's it. And so Joe, you can full stop that now. He doesn't want to be your friend because of the way you treat w women. He's told you that explicitly, you've defended your actions and said you really didn't do anything wrong, and you'll just continue to do it. So now shut up about it. Yeah. Done. What's next?

SPEAKER_00 19:51

I just think it's interesting, you know, when people just justify their decisions because when someone isn't okay with it, here's Joe carrying on like it's fine. Now fuck.

SPEAKER_01 20:03

Let me correct you. Because what carry all the fuck on. What Joe did, which is I think we had another name for Joe besides Dickhead. We used to call him Contradiction Joe or something. Because he says it here. Yeah, I agree, I agree. The way I treated V was not cool. And then in the in the next breath, he says, I did nothing wrong. We knew each other for like he completely justifies what he did. So which one is it, mate? You did the wrong thing or you didn't? Because you're telling us both things are true. What where was I going with that point?

SPEAKER_00 20:38

And two opposing arguments cannot both be true.

SPEAKER_01 20:41

Right. Somewhere in there, you were wrong. That's all I remember.

SPEAKER_00 20:48

Wow. Um, but you do don't you remember Joe having like a really big deal about Gail's so-called cheating on her ex with it?

SPEAKER_01 20:58

Yes, the double standards lens.

SPEAKER_00 21:00

Oh, alright. Fucking over it. You know what I'm now obsessed with? What? Provisions have arrived, and how many fucking hens have laid eggs for us to have so many eggs on board? How many are there lens? Oh, you can't even cartons.

SPEAKER_01 21:18

I'm talking like crates of eggs. Did you not see? I remember seeing eggs, but I didn't clock the count. Oh my god, not the whole of fucking KFC.

SPEAKER_00 21:31

In embryo form.

SPEAKER_01 21:35

Anyway. It's a team meeting. Very warm welcome. Yes. And Sandy's being very smart and strategic, and she wants to do a dry run with the boat. So she's like, we're gonna up anchor, drive for a bit, drop anchor, pick it up, and dock so that from our first Ave charter, we're not fucking up. Yeah, there's no fumbling.

SPEAKER_00 21:56

Lucky.

SPEAKER_01 21:57

Lucky.

SPEAKER_00 21:58

Lucky ducky. But also, was it? Because if they were docking in their normal time and not at party boat time, would there have been a problem?

SPEAKER_01 22:05

Lines it's a very good point that you make. You know? Because undocking check. Anchor drop check. All the shackles noted. And then docking, not good. No. Correct. Nathan kind of puts people in position, but he's not had a pre-meeting that we've seen. But no, Nathan, not good. What happens? The worst possible thing.

SPEAKER_00 22:33

Well, no, Captain Jason's done the worst possible thing. Oh, yes. He fucking drives through a whole fucking town.

SPEAKER_01 22:40

Can't top that. She can't hear Nathan because there are two party boats either side which are doing the wrong thing. Nathan is calling distances, but she can't hear. Can't hear. He's telling crew to throw lines. Yeah. And all Sandy is saying is, Are you saying to kick ahead? Yeah. Are you saying to kick ahead? And Nathan is not hearing her or not listening to her or not answering her. And then Bush. Bush. Bush. They hit the fucking dock.

SPEAKER_00 23:15

Yeah. Like there's an impact. Yeah. And really, when you look at the damage, there's not much. So imagine if you did really crash a boat. At high speed, like Jason did. Yeah. Yeah. And sorry, breaking noise ordnance.

SPEAKER_01 23:31

I loved that line. I loved it. That's Sandy. Sandy. The boats were breaking noise ordinance. I mean, can you I love it when she comes out with some boat lingo?

SPEAKER_00 23:46

Can you knew like ever there's a teenager having a party around my house and it's keeping me up at night, I'm ringing the cops and I'm gonna say they are breaking noise ordinance.

SPEAKER_01 23:55

Yes, Lanes.

SPEAKER_00 23:56

And they'll be like, this chick's nose what's what.

SPEAKER_01 23:59

Yeah, noise ordinance.

SPEAKER_00 24:00

It's past 8 p.m.

SPEAKER_01 24:02

Yep, yep. Nathan doesn't handle it well. He's spiralling, he thinks he's gonna get fired, he's worried about feeding his baby tomorrow. And Sandy also is incredulous. Do you know what she says when she runs out the back to see the damage? She says, first time I've ever hit anything. And then I'm like, Wayne's, wait, didn't she hit a dolphin once? Correct, Carl. She hit a concrete dolphin. Not her fault. I can't remember whose fault it was. I don't know if she did hit a dolphin. Correct. Not an animal, people, if you're a new listener. Like a concrete boy situation. And if you are, welcome. So she just basically says to Nathan, I'm gonna have to throw you in the water and slap you upside the head if you don't stop apologizing. Like, let's move forward. Be better.

SPEAKER_00 24:53

I I thought she handled it really well. And then there's Joe. What's he doing now? I hate giving him airtime. But he doesn't want to sound like a knobhead. That's how he says it. I don't want to sound like a knobhead, but I'm gonna. If I was on the stern, the boat wouldn't have even been within two meters of hitting that dog. Fuck off. And as a bosun, you gotta understand that there's a loud environment. You gotta pre-plan this. If she's on pork side. Did I say pork?

SPEAKER_02 25:35

If she's on pork side.

SPEAKER_00 25:41

Um if she's on port side wing station, set up two people on port side to say two meters, two meters. It's a channel of communication, but that's just me.

SPEAKER_01 25:54

Oh mate, hindsight's a beautiful thing. I was like, we have never ever in our lives, in all of our years of watching below deck, ever seen a chain of communication up one side of the boat to the captain. Do you know why, Joe? Do you know why your fucking theory wouldn't work, mate? Because those deck crew are not making a daisy chain to the captain. They're on the fucking front throwing the heaving line. They're down on the other deck doing the other fucking line. Like everyone's got a job. They're not making a daisy chain a captain.

SPEAKER_00 26:24

And also, side note, you want to know what happens with things like that? Chinese whispers goes wrong. Message gets screwed up in the chain.

SPEAKER_01 26:34

Whateves.

SPEAKER_00 26:36

Bruh. Okay, so where are we now? Joe going to bed. And it's so fucking tiny, so tiny, tiny, tiny, tiny. How's he supposed to cuddle a girl in here?

SPEAKER_01 26:48

He's the only one that could cuddle a girl in there because he's so small. Those other big dudes, they what can nothing. They're they've got overhang. They need to sleep diagonally. One person says you've got to sleep fucking vertically. You can stand in the cupboard and sleep because you ain't fitting on that bunk. Oh Nate does a lot of calling to Gail. He does, isn't it sweet? He calls her all the time just for a little check-in. And also, he I feel like he really needs her because he's feeling overwhelmed, unsure. He's like saying, Oh, this shit's happening, and she's like, It's okay, you're good at your job. I love you.

SPEAKER_00 27:28

And she's the only one that really understands. Like, have having a partner that's done the job and knows the Joe. Yes.

SPEAKER_01 27:36

And how supportive is Gail? Because she could be being like, Oh, this fucking sucks. Caden just spewed for the eighth time on that fucking beautiful Dubrovnik couch. Um, we try we tried to traverse the streets, but the cobblestones are too big for the pram. My nipples are chafed. Yes.

SPEAKER_00 27:54

He bit my nipple halfway off. Like, there's none of that. She looks like a really good mum. She looks like she's just landed in Mumsville and is doing so well. I think she is.

SPEAKER_01 28:06

Day one, here we go. Are we at morning? Oh, first preference show. Morning. So our primaries are a couple and they own a Las Vegas X-Girls performance company. And it's the Quite a successful one. Best show in Vegas, apparently. It's in its 23rd year, and that is what they're celebrating. I reckon that is a long time to be in Vegas. I mean it's longer than Britney Spears. Oh, Britney's nowhere. Poor Britney. Rip. Who else has got like a long-running show on Vegas? Probably Celine Dion. Celine. Yep. Celine. Anyway, so they brought their best show girls from their best show on a lovely yacht. I mean, I like that is staff appreciation. So they want a canopy lunch, water toys, and then a traditional Croatian meal with white glove silver service and a Vegas themed dinner. Can I tell you something? Please.

SPEAKER_00 29:11

I never want a white glove service. It was ridiculous. It's so stupid.

SPEAKER_01 29:17

What's the point? It looks like you're being served by Disney princess Belle. Unless you're being served by Disney Toy Story character Luke slash Buzz Lightyear wearing white gloves. Also, how the fuck did they get a pair that big?

SPEAKER_00 29:35

And also, what's what's with the the arm length on it? It's neither here nor there.

SPEAKER_01 29:42

It's like a a princess costume glove. It stops before the elbow. Shouldn't white gloves, silver service gloves just be your hands? Yes, at the wrist. I think they've made a mistake. It's an error. There's many mistakes, mate. Because they're very satiny and they're very fucking long.

SPEAKER_00 30:00

I would hate someone holding my plate with a glove.

SPEAKER_01 30:05

Especially a white satin one because aren't you gonna like slippy slip, slip, slip, slip, slip? Anyway, let's see how long we can talk about white gloves for. No, moving on. I could talk for days. At least they're not beige. Yeah, true. Nathan talks through the docking. Good tick. Joe says, I'm not lead, but I've done this before, and I don't want that to happen again. He's talking about the crash. No, Joe. No one wants that to happen again. And I think he's talking to Cooper.

SPEAKER_00 30:41

Yeah, just shut up, Joe. No one's supposed to hear you whispering fucking talking.

SPEAKER_01 30:47

He's got to make it known to everyone on the boat that he is experienced and he's vying for Nathan's job, basically. Oh, Trey, experience. I love it. So they're all set and ready, and here come the guests. And this lanes is where Coop, who I'm now calling him Coop, schools Joe. This was the best, this was my best, this was the best line of the episode for me. Yeah, the best. Do you remember it? No. Joe says to Cooper, it's really hot weather, and that means minimal clothes for females. What's this what I was talking about? Yes. Then he laughs. All Cooper says without missing a beat is this. I'm here to respect everyone. Also, my mum would whoop me if I didn't.

SPEAKER_00 31:38

That's why I'm now going out with him.

SPEAKER_01 31:40

He said that with zero attitude, zero fucking menace, just an exemplary human. Yes. Because he said to Joe in those two simple sentences, you can talk shit about women like that. I'm not gonna. I'm here to respect everyone.

SPEAKER_00 32:00

Everyone.

SPEAKER_01 32:01

You are an exemplary human. I give Cooper five stars. He's an exemplary human also. Southern, I'm telling ya. Also, we cut to a mirror on the ceiling of the primary cabin lanes.

SPEAKER_00 32:18

And they are happy about that. Would you do you have mirrors in your bedroom? Absolutely not. If you're gonna if you are about to ask me something that you already know the fucking answer to, would I have a mirror on my ceiling? Was gonna be your question, wasn't it?

SPEAKER_01 32:36

No, I said mirror in your bedroom.

SPEAKER_00 32:37

Excuse yourself. Nobody wants to see any of the things. I think you from those angles as a 48-year-old and a husband that's 54.

SPEAKER_01 32:52

No. Oh my god, you're making yourself sound so old. I am okay. My parents do. Oh yep. Get the fuck out. No, no, they do. On their ceiling? No. On the walls. Okay, you made it sound like. I know, I know. I was letting you go down a garden path. Um for shock value. You got it. Anyway, let's go to undocking nice work. Yep. Aisha is up there because she used to be a decky before she was a stew. Yeah. And Sandy, in her infinite wisdom, has placed Aisha on the bow with Joe in the meantime, so that Nathan can focus on communication. She's so fucking smart, is Sandy. Yep. We get a bit of argy bargy between Nathan and Joe now because Nathan is hauling Joe to say, Joe, Joe, can you help us? But Joe's carrying some kind of paddleboard and can't answer the radio. And Joe says to Nathan, sorry, my hands were full. And Nathan says, Well, it's took taken about seven years. And that prompts Joe to say, Well, we don't have any order. We've got problems because there's no order here. Okay, you've been on the boat for 24 hours. Order may not yet be established.

SPEAKER_00 34:18

The first charter's always chaotic. Yeah, you never want to be the first charter.

SPEAKER_01 34:23

I mean, someone asked Nathan for sunscreen later, and he's like, fucked if I fucking know. Have a look yourself. Because sunscreen, not on my priority list. Okay, mate. This is where the bit of Ribargy starts between.

SPEAKER_00 34:37

Okay, you go, I've gone on a rant.

SPEAKER_01 34:39

Kaylee wants to do the tablescape because Kaylee is a wedding coordinator. Jen is not impressed. She says her telling me how to set a table is the same thing as me telling Sandy how to dock the damn boat. And I'm like, Jen, okay, that's fine. But where's your teamwork? Because what it feels like from Jen is that she's standing back now and she's like, I'm actually not gonna do this as a team. I'm not gonna help her. I'm gonna let her do it. I'm gonna hope that she fails, and then I will swoop in and be the chief student. And that is not a good vibe. Kaylee's just doing her job. And yes, she's annoying. Yes, she's OTT, but Jen, you're like, just get amongst it and be a team. Why are you being like that?

SPEAKER_00 35:36

She's being like that because she can't cope that Aisha hasn't handed out the roles yet.

SPEAKER_01 35:43

And there you hit the nail on the head. Mm-hmm.

SPEAKER_00 35:46

And Kaylee's acting like she is seconds to you when she's not. So everyone's trying to prove their worth. She wants to be on service. She d she doesn't want to be in the gallows.

SPEAKER_01 35:58

No. Aisha loves the tablescape. Oh, loves it. She's effusive in her what's that thing called? Praise of the tablescape.

SPEAKER_00 36:10

What's that thing we don't often do?

SPEAKER_01 36:13

And what does Kaylee do over the radio? She says, Thank you, Acia, but also I couldn't have done it without the girls. She credits her helpers. She did not need to do that. If she was the true bitch.

SPEAKER_00 36:24

She did not need to talk about her minions. But here's what Jen now thinks. Oh, she's like, Oh, I've got your number. I see you now.

SPEAKER_01 36:32

She calls her a fake bitch.

SPEAKER_00 36:34

Yep.

SPEAKER_01 36:35

But why I don't get that. Why?

SPEAKER_00 36:38

She thinks that Kaylee is this is all an act. That then saying over the radio, oh, it was also helped with blah blah blah and blah blah blah. It's like overtly nice. Like, why are you doing that?

SPEAKER_01 36:49

Is Jen thinking it's overtly nice because Jen actually didn't help at all? And so why would someone say she helped when she didn't? She moved a candle.

SPEAKER_00 37:00

I just don't think it's something that Jen would do. I just don't think that that is something that Jen understands because she's never offered credit where credit was due. So she doesn't trust Kaylee and now she's pissed off. Yeah. But you know what? I kind of love Kaylee. Confused. I love her little fucking slut drop dance in the kitchen when she was making up a song about the chef. She's so random. It fascinates me.

SPEAKER_01 37:28

Also, if you're gonna work with someone on a boat, okay, yeah, Kaylee could be annoying. But also energy. Oh like you're feeling a bit slow. Go stand next to her and put your finger in her socket. Get high on her vibe. And just get some energy. After all that. Okay, we're at dinner.

SPEAKER_00 37:49

Yep. The ladies. Oh yes, it's ladies' night. Oh, what a night.

SPEAKER_01 37:54

Please explain. Why are the ladies wearing dresses with the ass cut out of them in a heart shape?

SPEAKER_00 38:03

That's a sentence. Because it's just fun. They're Vegas ladies.

SPEAKER_01 38:08

It's not fun. Imagine sitting down at a table.

SPEAKER_00 38:12

They would basic they had their asses out all day with the bikinis they were wearing. It's no different. It's just a focal point.

SPEAKER_01 38:20

They want everyone to know that they have these heart-shaped ass missing dresses. So they say to Aisha, Oh, Aisha, is it a full moon tonight? And as they all go and look up at the moon, they show their moons. And Aisha just says, Oh my god, thank you, you all have phenomenal asses.

SPEAKER_00 38:39

Love her.

SPEAKER_01 38:39

And then they sit down for dinner, and I have to say, this chef, pretty fucking good, Lane's. Yeah. She is impressive. Yep, she's delivered.

SPEAKER_00 38:52

Did you see what the first course was?

SPEAKER_01 38:54

No. I mean I saw it, but I didn't make any notes.

SPEAKER_00 38:57

It was something with eggplant. And they enjoyed it. And then we've got lamb and tomato. Lamb and half a tomato.

SPEAKER_01 39:07

It looked good though.

SPEAKER_00 39:08

And a black ink risotto with champagne in it.

SPEAKER_01 39:11

A squid ink, I think they're called it. Squid ink. Yeah, because the ink is black. It's not a pen. Nope. It looks amazing. Jen continues to spiral. Oh, she's in complete ego meltdown. She cannot be told what to do by Kaylee. That is she's not she can't handle it. That's you can't tell me what to do. She needs to breathe. So what does she do? She goes to a cabin, breathes, and calls her mum. Yep. And her mum tells her to lead with calmness.

SPEAKER_00 39:47

Just be cool.

SPEAKER_01 39:48

Good suggestion. Don't be like uncool. The guests say it all about the meal lanes. So I didn't make up my own notes, I just used theirs. 10 slash 10 no notes. Wonderful. And we get our wrap-up of the episode. Nathan talking to Joe saying, I don't appreciate the energy. Joe saying, and but then but saying, let's just smash it this season. And Joe being like, Yeah, whatever. Joe telling Cooper that he has personal shit with Nathan. And his goal being to prove to Sandy that he wants to be her bosun. And he also says to Camera, I'm gonna struggle to do that with Nathan in charge. So what we're getting here is Joe's agenda and Joe's vendetta. His agenda and vendetta is to get Nathan out of the way so that he can be her bosun. And the fucker has no qualms about saying it to Camera on the very first episode.

SPEAKER_00 40:52

And to his cabin mate. How's yourself talk? Nate hasn't said anything to anyone, but Joe has. And do we have on the coming uppance? Do we have that Joe asks Nathan, have you been talking to the crew about me? No, I didn't see that. It doesn't mean it didn't happen. Does the bear shit in the woods?

SPEAKER_01 41:15

But what we do see is Nathan telling Gail that he's got this bad feeling about Joe. He says, like, I just don't trust him. He is an issue, and I think he wants to step on toes. Great instincts and intuition, Nathan. Um he says he wants to choose Luke as his two IC, and he's gonna tell Sandy. But now coming up on Joe can't be the lead.

SPEAKER_00 41:42

Joe is expecting to be the lead, but he can't be. He he will not work well. There needs to be a a gap between Nate and Joe. So there can't be like they won't work together well. But I just hope that Luke is up for the job and it doesn't look vengeful on Nate's part.

SPEAKER_01 42:00

Yeah, it'll be interesting to see whether he's allowed to have like what he should probably do is the Asia thing and just say you're all deckies. But I don't know whether Sandy will make him choose a lead.

SPEAKER_00 42:13

Yeah, but I also feel like there needs to be, it's an industry where there are two ICs. You need like that's how they work, that's how they're used to working, so you need that.

SPEAKER_01 42:25

Yep. Well, coming up on lanes, we have uh dinner in the dark, which we've never seen on below deck. We have hookups, seen ever all the time, and Hannah. Hannah Banana. What the fuck is Hannah doing here? But she's here. We also have Love Triangles and the police being called and some injuries. It looks juicy.

SPEAKER_00 42:49

But again, have we just seen it all in the rap in the um quite possibly. You know. But it looks like it's gonna be a good season.

SPEAKER_01 42:58

Yes. How are we gonna wrap it?

SPEAKER_00 43:02

Do we tell 'em? This will be our last episode. This is our going away gift to you. We have decided to officially wrap up our podcast after having our little.

SPEAKER_01 43:17

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 43:18

We enjoyed it.

SPEAKER_01 43:20

Too much. That's not true. We enjoyed not having the deadlines and the timelines and finding the time to do this, but what we did miss was this. Yeah, this. Hanging out, having a wine, chatting shit about below deck. And you guys have been a big part of that too, because we we we can do that anytime we can get together. Yeah. But creating the podcast was something that we did as a creative project, and as a part of that, you guys came along with us for the ride. Sad. Yeah, it is sad.

SPEAKER_00 44:00

See, I'm a never say never. Okay. And I know we just said we're one and done. But I don't know, maybe we'll pop in mid-season. Look, the future is the future. We make our own rules about our podcasts.

SPEAKER_01 44:12

We can't predict what may happen.

SPEAKER_00 44:15

But maybe we'll do a little mid-season and then it and then a wrap-up.

SPEAKER_01 44:18

Yeah, and you know, like if you have an extra $400,000 and you'd like to sponsor us for the year. Because you just love listening to the nasal tones of lanes. And the cackling. And the cunts. I meant to say C words, but it just came out.

SPEAKER_00 44:44

Oh, we love you. We have missed you. We will continue to miss you.

SPEAKER_01 44:48

Um, but you know, it's us over and out for now.

SPEAKER_00 44:52

Correct, for now. Cheers, Lance.

SPEAKER_01 44:54

Bye.